Posts Tagged 'love'

Dangerously Low Levels of Love

Ahhhh, Valentine’s Day! My favourite holiday to celebrate martyrdom and pay tribute to those who laid down their lives to counter the forces of evil. However, there are more important things behind Valentine’s Day than merely recreating the ceremonial cremation of Obi-Wan Kenobi and imitating the Burning Monk.

Valentine’s Day is also the holiday to assess the standard of love in your life.

There’s a very easy way to gauge the levels of ambient love in your local environment. The Valentine’s Catcher, is a sophisticated piece of technology which filters the air, capturing and collecting traces of love.

I constructed my Catcher early last week, and deployed the apparatus at work.

The results are in!

Among a raisin and several twisted paper clips lay a post-it note with “this is cute” inscribed in blue ink. This revealsĀ a shockingly low level of ambient love in my place of employment. Very poor findings considering my device was collecting data over a span of five days.

Experts agree this signifies dangerously low levels of ambient love which may lead to disappointment and hurt. I will be writing a formal complaint to the facilities department later today.

I deplore you all to make your own Love Catchers and gauge your own ambient love levels. Take action before it’s too late.

Remember, you have the right to work in a safe and loving environment.